This proposal is from the 2011 Epiphany. Clearly, he “got” her!
(…and if you want to skip to the song and get to the goods, slide in to the 2:40 mark.)
Brilliance Loose Diamonds
Friday Fun: Kardashian Wedding vs. Average Wedding
So, what are your thoughts? Was her wedding worth the publicity for her careeer?
This Wedding Wednesday, is all about contracts.
Contracts are a necessity in the wedding industry, particularly for photography.
Industry
Save the Date
In the wedding industry, there are only a few dates per year when weddings are likely to happen.
- Most brides want Saturday (52 in a year).
- Most brides do not want a holiday weekend. MLK, Passover, Easter, Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s eve/day can eliminate anywhere from 7 to 11 weekends.
- Some local events can make that weekend a bad choice for your wedding date. After all, you probably don’t want your reception and the local prom in the same hotel on the same night. Area graduation weekends could affect your family’s ability to be at important events for everyone.
- Vendors take vacation and have family responsibilities, too.
- So, 52 Saturdays – 7 holidays – 2 family weekends – 1 vendor day off = 42 weekends left.
In order to secure your date with any vendor, you need a contract so you are sure you have them on your date.
The vendor needs a contract because they can only take a certain number of weddings on any one date. They have to know if they are your final decision or not before they can turn away another couple.
Set the Standards
A contract is your written agreement to ensure everyone has full understanding of what the costs, services, and products are. The contract should repeat all that you discussed verbally. There should be no surprises.
For Photographers
Contracts are especially important for Photographers and other sole-proprietor vendors, because we can only take one wedding per date. A baker can bake multiple cakes and drop them off during each ceremony. A florist can arrange flowers for multiple weddings and deliver them to each ceremony venue. A photographer is there for you all day or weekend.
…and Planners
The same is true for Professional Planners. While they may have more than one wedding per day (with a staff of Professional Coordinators to be on site for each event), you still need all their services and prices in writing. That part of the industry is diverse and varied. Be sure you know what you are getting!
…and everyone else, too.
In all honesty, it’s just a good practice for all your wedding day services. It only adds clarity. And, if you happen upon a vendor who “doesn’t do contracts,” you’ll know to run fast and far away from them.
Kids at Weddings
This weeks’ Wedding Wednesday tip is about inviting kids to weddings.
An Observation
At a recent networking event, we were part of this conversation:
Guy 1: We missed you at [a friend's] wedding. You missed a good time. It was a great meal and an open bar.
Guy 2: Yeah, we were invited, but what were we going to do with the kids on a Sunday night?
Guy 1: There were a few babies there, but kids weren’t invited. (With an implied “it was nice to go to an adult event where no kids were present”.)
Me: It’s actually really expensive to invite kids to weddings. Catering charges the same for them as they do for adults. It can be as much as 30% of the budget.
Guy 2: I never thought of that.
Guy 1: Me either. I never considered that.
Me: Yeah, the most recent average I heard was $37 per guest for a wedding reception.
Guys 1 & 2: [Clear look of shock on their faces....and them digressing into a conversation about the "extremely fiscally conservative" nature of their friend.]
The Stats
In the above conversation, I was simply quoting what I have heard. So, I did a little digging for real data.
Wedding budgets are different for every couple, of course, but thanks to our wedding magazines, we have some averages we can apply. However, almost no one would invite kids to the ceremony and not the reception. Furthermore, while receptions cost a lot more on the per-kid basis, we’ll use the whole wedding. However, if you want to apply the numbers to your real budget, then feel free to use the most conservative percentage we’ve found: 46%. Just consider each kid’s attendance .46 of the amount of your total budget.
Using averages
$27,000 Average Wedding in Austin
$27,000 is the average wedding cost in Austin, Texas
($26,984 to be more exact, but for simplicity, we’ll just add in the extra $16), average wedding cost
46% of the average wedding:
$12,420 for kids to attend the wedding. That’s a pretty big chunk of change just to guests who, for the most part, don’t want to be there, anyway.
More Specific Prices
Online published per-person meal prices in Austin, Texas (rounded up to the whole dollar, including real (not disposable) place settings.
$18 Chicken-Fried Steak
$39 several beef options
$50 hors d` oeuvres, two light courses, main course
average: $36
…without linens, extra tables & chairs, a larger venue to accommodate more people, etc.
The Etiquette
There is no reason for a couple to invite any one group of people that does not fit into the budget. Weddings are a very personal, and sometimes private, occasion. Weddings might be a social occasion, but they are sacred to the couple; there is no reason for a wedding to be “the” social occasion.
Inviting kids to your wedding is a big decision.
If your budget is tight or if your tastes are more elegant, excluding children might be a good choice. Still, we present both sides, so you can make the decision that is best for you.
How much should you spend on an engagement ring?
Shopping for an engagement ring can be a scary process for guys. It’s the most important piece of jewelry they’ll ever buy and quite likely the most expensive, too.
Tacori not only makes beautiful rings, they also are good teachers about their products…with this lovely infographic that teaches about diamonds, their 4 C’s, and engagement rings.
We love all the great information they have shared!
Guys, this one’s for you!
- Is she The One for you? For always and forever?
- Do you spend your time away from her wishing you were together?
- Is every day with her better than the one before?
Then, it might be time to begin the planning to put a ring on it!
Engagement season runs mainly from Thanksgiving through Valentine’s. With all the holiday gatherings and family close by, it’s a convenient time to propose. If you are going to have a ring for her and still have enough cash to get through the rest of your gift-giving, you need to start planning, now.
You’ll be pleased to learn that “two months’ salary” is no longer the norm in the engagement ring industry.
next week: Budgeting for the Bling.
“…Shawn..put together a surprise wedding for his fiancee Colleen….She thinks she’s heading to a retirement party and has no idea that 200 of her family and friends are waiting for her to get married today! This video shows…her reaction to the surprise….This took place in Windsor, Ontario, Canada on Saturday, August 13th, 2011. Filmed by: Gavin Michael Booth & Marie Jeannette. Edited by: Gavin Michael Booth. http://www.youtube.com/mimeticonline“
While most brides would be upset that they didn’t pick things out for themselves, this bride was clearly frustrated with wedding planning…and they were already planning to elope. This is the perfect case for a surprise wedding that will be just As THE BRIDE Wishes!
Devices at Weddings
This week’s Wedding Wednesday is about devices: phones, cameras, and camcorders.
The Way It Was
Originally, etiquette combined with the cost of devices kept guests from showing up at a wedding ceremony with a camera, camcorder, or any other device. Then, cameras got cheaper and guests began to bring cameras to capture their point of view at the reception. Next, our world went social and all over the Internet. Guests began to bring cameras and phones to the ceremonies. Some officiants and church-supplied wedding coordinators got testy over this….and for good reason in most cases.
The Way It Is (And Our Experience)
Every “Joe” at the wedding has a phone/camera/camcorder and is facebooking/Tweeting/YouTubing the event…often live. As long as “Joe” stays in his seat and doesn’t lean into the aisle for a better angle, this is not a problem.
One church had an un-posted rule banning guest cameras from their sanctuary, but since it was not posted, it effectively only applied to the members of that church. While it’s likely that family and friends from that church were a large portion of the guest list, the couple also had friends from their social life and professional lives that weren’t members of that church…and weren’t familiar with this rule. The result was an upset church coordinator. She didn’t understand why the guests didn’t all follow the rule.
One church had a rule: no flash during the ceremony. However, this was also an unwritten rule. Upon meeting, the officiant gave the professional photographer this rule. As photographers at that event, we dutifully followed the rules, but the whole intent by the minister was lost when virtually every guest pulled out their “red-eye ready” cameras and strobbed the whole ceremony with flashes.
We know of one bride who received a camera as a wedding gift. After some pleading, she was allowed to open the gift half way through the reception. She was shooting the reception instead of enjoying it. The images of the bride during the second half of her own reception are limited and obstructed.
One wedding included a special-needs friend of the groom who, during formal photography, painstakingly replicated every one of the posed images with his disposable camera. He kept telling us that he was a professional videographer. Not wanting to offend anyone, we gave him all the room and time he needed to get his shots. Ultimately, the groom’s family pulled him away from the after-wedding portraits.
By far the most disruptive case we’ve seen images from was when a friend of the bride continually stepped in front of the contracted professional photographers and videographers during key unrepeatable shots: bride coming down the aisle with her father, first dance, toasts, cake cutting, etc.
The Way It Should Be (In Our Opinion)
Less Is More. We always want the guests excited about and involved in the wedding. They gave up their time and went to a great expense to be there. They are excited and happy for the couple. They want to spread the good news to friends unable to attend.
At the same time, they need to respect several things:
- the decorum necessary for a ceremony such as a wedding
- the expectations of the venue, especially religious venues like churches
- the expectations of, for example, the bride’s grandmother (a standard way to measure any “should I…?” behavior)
- the professionals hired to execute and record the event and the space they need to do their job in accordance with the contract they have with the couple
The As You Wish Way
We do, and always have, welcomed guests to take their own images at weddings. We simply require (and it’s in our contract) that they not interfere with our obligation to the bride and groom, their wedding party, and their families.
Toasting Tips
This week’s Wedding Wednesday tip is about toasting!
Toasting is not easy. Even if you aren’t the Best Man or Maid of Honor, you could be expected to toast the bride and groom. These days, toasting ceremonies take on a life of their own. You don’t want to be the only guest at the party without something tactful-yet-witty to say. So, plan ahead!
Dos
- Mention of the love you see that the couple has for one another. For example, “I can tell by the way you look at one another…”
- Mention the beautiful ceremony and/or day. For example, “This beautiful ceremony [day] symbolizes the happiness I wish for you…”
- Keep it short and sweet. For example, you might recite an appropriate cultural wedding toast. Or, you might simply say, “I wish you lifelong happiness and prosperity. Congratulations.”
- Consider having one drink to calm your nerves.
Don’ts
- Reference low points or rough spots in the couple’s history, “you’ve had your ups and downs”. Instead, say, “You have proven you can handle things, if you have each other.”
- Reference any ex-partners, ever. period. Even if that person is you. Instead, mention the friendship you share with the couple.
- Make claims expecting the marriage to produce children, even if you know the couple has immediate plans for kids. Instead, try, “I wish for you that all your hopes and dreams come true.”
- Rhyme.
- Tell jokes or embarrassing stories. They are rarely effective and might embarrass the bride and groom.
- Mention sex, drugs, illegal activities, or drunken evenings.
- Mimic TV commercials, movies, or sitcoms.
- Have more than a drink–or maybe two–before giving your toast. Even a slight buzz can slur your speech and keep you from sounding articulate.
When in doubt, leave it out!
Remember, the videographer will record every word and the guests’ and couple’s reactions. Make your toast one that they will be proud to show at their 25th and 50th Anniversary parties.
If you are managing an event with assigned seating (like a wedding) or with check-ins (like a fundraiser) then this article, How to Check In Guests at Events with Your iPad, on eventmanagerblog.com by Julius Solaris.
“The single biggest use of the iPad for an event professional is to actually check in guests. No more print-outs of awful Excel spreadsheets.
…here is what I found:
1. myBanquet
2. Guest List
3. MyGuestlist
…Honorable Mention: Guest List Manager“
Now, go read the rest of Julius’ post. 
Babies in Weddings
This week, our Wedding Wednesday tip is about including babies/toddlers in the wedding ceremony.
A lot of couples want to include babies and very young children in the wedding party. There are a lot of idealistic visions for how cute it will be when the little flower girl gives the little ring bearer a kiss on the cheek.
Kids’ Reality
There are several realities that need consideration before assigning wedding ceremony roles to very young children.
Kids are unpredictable. Be prepared for them to be sleepy, grumpy, hungry, in need of a potty break, or just freaked out by all the attention they are getting from the adults.
Willingness to Abort
As a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding, I got to see, first hand, the right way to involve very young children in a wedding.
The ring bearer was a 2-year old nephew of the bride (son of the maid of honor) and the flower girl was a 2-year old daughter of a couple who were both attendants in the wedding. The idea of them walking down the aisle was too cute to pass up, but the realistic bride had visions of the kids throwing screaming fits when confronted with the formal garden setting and large crowd.
So, they had a plan: In the program, the little ones were listed as the “honorary” ring bearer and flower girl.
More importantly, if the kids were either one fussy at the back of the aisle, they would abort and the ceremony would continue with only adults.
How It Went Down
Of course, Murphy’s Law shined down upon them all…and the bride’s fears never made reality. After all, if you carry an umbrella with you, it won’t rain, right? 
The ring bearer held his mom’s hand down to walk down the short aisle. Since mom/MOH was rocking the baby bump for his little sister, it was a wonderfully sweet family moment in the ceremony. At the altar, he was handed off to his dad and whisked around the guests and to the back.
The flower girl was sent down the aisle, next. She waddled toward her mom and was then handed off to Grandma and whisked to the back. Again, a sweet moment could not have been better planned.
Because both kids had an adult guest responsible for them, if either became fussy during the ceremony, they could be quickly removed from the serene ceremony.
Bonus!
Later, during the post-ceremony formal portraits, the very patient photographer spent a long time with the two kids seated on a velvet settee. Without too many adults in that room—which can be a huge distraction when coaxing very young children to be cute—he was able to get the kids to hug and cuddle…and got the kiss on the cheek, too. This focus on images was more about the kids than the bride and groom, but this was a concession they were willing to make since they had a First Look moment with their photographer and had most formla portraits out of the way before guests arrived and while the kids were still napping.
Cry Rooms are Essential
Whether it’s for the littlest members of the wedding party or the youngest invited guests, a cry room is essential to the adults—and the videographer’s microphone— being able to hear your vows.
It’s YOUR Call
Mom and Grandma may be pushing you one way or the other. You may feel that the little ones will take too much attention away from you on your big day. Certainly, that’s fair! It’s your day and they’ll have their day when they grow up. If you are feeling pressured to involve babies and you just don’t think it’s for you, then use our logic and timeline to show that baby attendants and baby portraits take significant time and attention on wedding day. Mom and Grandma might not be so pushy if they have to give up their portraits with you or be relegated to babysitting during the ceremony. Or, if they are that “gung ho”, they might hire all the resources needed (a babysitter? wedding day-care? an extra photographer?) to make it happen without disruption to your Big Day.
Wedding Worksheet by As You Wish
One of the tricks of our trade–and one of the benefits of hiring As You Wish for your wedding photography needs–is our Wedding Worksheet. That’s what this Wedding Wednesday tip is all about.
We can not count the times that the bride and groom were being introduced by the DJ/bandleader/MC while we were still gathering our gear to enter the reception. After all, as photographers, we leave the ceremony after the bride and groom. We need time to “beat them” there. Unfortunately, their drivers are usually excited friends who are ready to party and don’t hear, “Drive around for at least 10 minutes”. (Really, ten minutes is all we need!) Many of those times, the couple is standing outside their reception refusing to go in, while all the guests are inside waiting for them to walk through the door. Why? Because they want the “Now introducing, for the first time, Mr. & Mrs….” moment on record, for their memories and for their album. I’ve had several brides say to me something like, “take all the time you need; we aren’t going in until you are ready.” If you are a bride, this is a pretty big blunder to your “perfect” day.
We’ve also seen weddings where
- the cake was placed in a “dangerous” location (i.e. too close to the dance floor)
- the buffet was served in one line instead of two, causing dinner service to run almost two hours
- the beverage bars were too small, causing long lines that kept guests away from the reception’s events
How, exactly, does this tie to the Wedding Worksheet?
Timeline
Our couples are required to complete the Wedding Worksheet which includes a timeline of the day…beginning at the beginning of the day with the bride’s salon appointment (and what time she’ll need to set her alarm) through the getaway and after party. We remind our brides of the longer amount of time that most things take on wedding day, compared with any other day of their lives. We also anticipate travel time throughout the day.
Layout
The Wedding Worksheet also includes help with the layout of the reception to enhance the planning work from the coordinator, the venue, and the DJ/band. It’s common sense to us, but it’s all new to a bride-to-be planning the biggest day of her life.
Synthesizing
Every vendor has a role to play and an agenda to follow. Our Wedding Worksheet will help you put it all together into one seamless flow. When you see discrepancies from one vendor the other, you can have those conversations during the planning process…..instead of putting out fires on your wedding day (when your attention is better served in other places.)
These Wedding Wednesday tools will help you select a color palette for your wedding!
- Adobe’s Kuler site that helps you pick a color palette for any project. It can be really helpful with planning wedding or other party colors.
- It was down for a while, if if it’s back, Color Scheme Designer is great, too. It provides more options, a little more ease, and some flexibility. It’s actually made for websites, but could apply to print materials, living rooms, or even wardrobes.
Certainly, both have a place in the color world. The combination of features is sure to help you find just the perfect palette for your Big Day!
This week’s Wedding Wednesday is part two of our series on saving.
Keep the fairytale, but balance the checking account, too. There are many places were you can save on your wedding without sacrificing. Some require a little more research. Others are just a better way to spend the same amount of money. A couple require a tiny bit of creativity or handy work.
Attire
To save money on attire, consider renting your fiance a nice suit instead of a tuxedo (or, invest in one he’ll need for other occasions in your life together).
For you, consider a dress that isn’t traditional; colors other than white, shorter hem lines, and simpler styles are often more affordable.
Don’t buy accessories like shoes at the bridal salon where they are horribly marked up. Veils are easy to make. If you aren’t crafty, ask a maid or family member to help you.
For the maids, consider dresses from a department store. Shop early in the season of your choice for a good selection of sizes. Or, consider a classic investment instead of a “bridesmaid” dress:
Another very affordable option for maids is to give them a color and some ground rules and let them each pick their own dresses. They can still run it by you for veto, if necessary. Some of them might already have a dress like what you want. The real bonus here is that each maid will look her best in a cut/fit that looks good on her. And that will only make you look better on the big day!
Locations
Gardens, parks, and museums are often beautiful wedding venues at a fraction of the price.
Just be sure they aren’t going to do something tacky, like charge your guests admission or parking (a common practice at state parks). If they will let you cover the parking/admission charges, insist on making the tickets yourself. Their version comes off a copy-machine! Not only will it not match, but the copier ink will smear all over your pretty invitation during mailing.
Invitations, Programs, Menus, and all that stuff.
It seems like an unnecessary waste to you (or your mom) because you know all the details. You have to remember the most remote person invited. Put yourself in their shoes. Be sure they have all the information they need to get to your city, their hotel, your ceremony, and your reception with ease.
None of these have to be expensive to be nice. Hit your local scrapbook store. Stay focused and make a bee line for their wedding aisle. You’ll find many beautiful papers and cardstock that are perfectly elegant for your perfect day. Look at their how-to flyers and books. Consider their classes. Check out their workroom policies. If you can use a rotary paper cutter, a “hole punch”, and a laser printer, you can make elegant-but-affordable printed items for the big day. Get your craftiest bridesmaid or friend to help. Make it a girls night, if you can. And, if this is all just too much for you, ask your wedding planner and photographer what they offer.
Ceremony
Eliminate much of the decor at the ceremony. Most ceremony venues–even those that are plain for religious reasons–are quite beautiful. You can save a lot of money by reducing rentals and flowers at the ceremony. Again, focus on a couple of nice elements to accent your ceremony.
At the altar, decorate from “maids-to-guests”. Focus most decorative items closer to the first row of guests. Otherwise, these items will be hidden behind your attendants throughout the ceremony.
I once photographed a fabulously decorated table for the unity candle. A lot of love and care went into that setup. Because it was at the back of the altar, only the couple, the moms, and I saw it. It was completely obstructed from the guests’ view.
Select a venue that can host both your ceremony and reception.
Flowers
Plants are usually a lot cheaper than arrangements and can be purchase in much larger sizes.
Plants can be rented. While this is about the same cost as buying them, they arrive in pristine condition with glossy leaves. And, the price includes delivery, setup, and retrieval. This can save you a lot of time and hassle.
Consider taking a flower arranging course at a local craft store and make some silk altar arrangements. From their seats, guests will never know they aren’t real.
Do a Google Image search for some unique and fun DIY centerpieces that aren’t silk. There are some great ideas out there that aren’t difficult or expensive.
Make decor pull double duty. One job of the ushers can be to schlep some decor from the ceremony to the reception. Use it twice! Put your/maids bouquets in pre-set vases on the head and parents tables. Put the large altar arrangement on the stage or near the DJ. Instead of one big cake, order one small layer for each table (and one for you and the groom) and let it be the center of the meal.
Reception
When it comes to the reception, decorate from the “eyes up”. Chair covers are nice, but only the first few guests in the room will even notice how pretty they make the room look. Once the room is full of people, they are hardly even noticeable. And, once people start mingling from one table to the next, covers and drapes often become disheveled. Focus on elements that will draw attention to the dance floor or other center of the reception action.
Use a reception venue that is already pretty, so you can save on both the time and expense of decor.
Have your ceremony at a time of day when light snacks and wedding cake will be plenty of reception food.
Serve heavy hors d’ oeuvres instead of an entree with side dishes.
Select drinks that match your style and limit the bar and/or drink stations to just a few selections. Drink service will go faster and your guests will rave about the unique and personal touch.
Favors do not necessarily need to be elaborate. Copies of your engagement portrait make nice favors. Or, make a small donation to charity and print table signs explaining that you made a donation in lieu of buying favors.
Instead of renting a limo for the getaway, borrow a car from a family member or have a friend chauffeur your trip from the reception to the hotel. One of the cutest getaways I photographed (only a couple of blocks in a very small town with no traffic and a very slow/careful driver!) was a decorated bed of a pickup truck. The tailgate was down, covered in white fabric and draped in floral garlands to match the wedding. The bride and groom rode with their feet hanging off the edge. The looks on their faces and their laughter are priceless.
Photography
Work with photographers who will let you build your own package and who can incorporate photo-based save the date cards, invitations/announcements, and RSVP cards. Ask them to make programs, menus, and thank you notes to match, if they offer these services. This makes your printed materials unique and personal and saves you the time and expense of another vendor, additional shipping, etc.
Photographers, Austin, TX
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